Joy of Conflict Resolution by Gary Harper

Author:Gary Harper
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: BUS085000
ISBN: 9781550923957
Publisher: New Society Publishers
Published: 2004-05-19T16:00:00+00:00

What to do about our gremlins

The beauty of Carson’s book Taming Your Gremlin lies in its simplicity. He advises us to “simply notice” our gremlin. He warns us not to analyze or debate it, lest we end up like Br’er Rabbit — stuck fast to the tar baby. We’ll never win an argument with it, and because it feeds off our attention, attempts to conquer it will serve only to strengthen it.

But when we “simply notice,” we create separation. We become the observer, separate from what we observe. We are able to realize we are not our gremlin. It is a part of us, but not who we are. We can learn from it, for its warnings are attempts to protect an underlying value. Some people thank their gremlin for its opinion and then consider other perspectives and alternatives. Others use humor to create separation, giving their gremlins amusing names and personas (“George,” the knuckle-dragging gorilla).

In conflict, we can “simply notice” our impulse — be it fight or flight. That momentary separation removes us, however fleetingly, from the drama triangle and allows us to choose our role and our approach. Even if we choose to respond angrily or to give in, we do so deliberately, not through habit or fear.

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